Cleaning, Awkwardness, and Feeling Lucky
Since I had children, my house has never been truly clean. I've taken time to wash things down, I've tidied toys, craft projects, books, and random sheets of paper, and I do at least one to two loads of dishes in the dishwasher per day, but I've not done everything all at once. I've found that doing a little every day will keep my house from being a complete disaster, but it will never be fully clean at any one time. Granted, for birthday parties or social events, I'll put in the extra effort and make sure that everywhere a visitor might go is clean, but my work, books, and random junk that the kids have lying about end up tossed into my room, to be later retrieved and placed on tables, etc. Of course, that is, until recently.
As you all might know, I've had issues with my health of late (for which I'm still being tested), which has impacted how quickly I move and has almost entirely stopped me from bending over to pick up anything off the floor. I feel fine--I'm not in any pain or discomfort--but every so often, I stop being able to see. Now, I'm taking medication that helps reduce the swelling in my brain, but when my blood pressure rises at all, my vision goes dark. This includes bending over. Every time I lower myself to grab something off the floor, I can't see. Needless to say, the household cleaning has suffered, and my children have had to do a lot more tidying than they used to.
That brings me to today. As a gift, my mom has offered to hire--and pay for--a small arsenal of cleaning people to buzz about my house. It's wonderful, of course, but also a little uncomfortable. Not just that these people are in my space, handling my things, but that I'm not quite sure what to do with myself. I feel a bit useless, really. And guilty. I'm literally sitting on my couch with my computer and my dog in my lap as they move around me. I mean, it's their job, but I hate to think that they see me as a lazy slob. I want to jump up and help them out, or at least seem as busy as they do, but I can't.
I've heard that cleaning people gossip together about the houses they've seen, and I'm always worried that my house will be one of those stories. Do any of you ever get that? That helpless feeling, where you want to be useful but you're absolutely incapable of doing anything?
Ultimately, though, my house is getting clean, and for the next while (while I'm finishing up the rest of my testing before my final diagnosis), I'll have no mess to worry about. I'm so lucky, so grateful that I have the help that I need and an amazing, supportive family that are willing to do anything to make life easier for me. I'm a very fortunate person.
Award winning historical romance author, wife, and stay-at-home mom of four. Chocoholic, nerd, & bath bomb enthusiast.